RE: personal analysis

It has become very clear to me that the only men who are ever interested in me are looking to do one of the three following options: fix me, fuck me, or control me.

I am basically using the internet as some very extreme filter and to also further prevent myself from any serious personal contact. It has become very apparent that I've got some rather extreme complexes that I will never address because I also suffer from severe avoidance.

My personal pattern is to be attracted to guys who are either emotionally vacant or otherwise not attainable due to already being tied down in serious relationships. This probably has something to do with my inability to commit.

I often subject myself to unhealthy relationships because I rationalize that it is really just a good character building experience. It has been my experience that I do not thrive in relationships. I come off as too eager to please. My strong will diminishes. This leads to me feeling trapped, claustrophobic, and unhappy.

I suffer from a very guilty conscience. As much as I pride myself on being this Strong Woman too often do I become a doormat to people who are worthless and don't matter. While I can hold my own in an argument-I never fight. I withdraw early and just become silent. In my silence I will often retaliate with some manipulative passive aggressive bullshit only because I often feel as if it is my only defense mechanism.

Even though I have set the bar rather low to prevent any kind of disappointments I usually tend to make very compulsive and rash decisions when things aren't how I expected them to be. Or when the situation arises that it turns out its just not what I wanted. I am really good at ignoring problems until they have reached crisis level at which point I just run.

This also includes my emotions which I tend to dismiss, ignore, and reject until I have some emotional break down in the parking HEB parking lot when I start to cry about the fact that my thighs still touch.

Social situations stress me out because I don't like half listening and waiting for my turn to talk. For the most part I am the Voice of Reason and everyone comes crying to me asking for advice that they will just end up ignoring.

I have a terrible habit of snooping on people because its pretty obvious that people can't be trusted. I am almost always honest. I try to leave everything open on the table -I just cannot deal with the juggling of lies and secrets. It is not because I actually value it.

I tend to use sex as a weapon against myself. All of my sexual experience have rendered me with immense amounts of the following: pleasure. shame and guilt for enjoying said pleasure. anger from lack of said pleasure. a broken hymen, heart, and trust. some weird complex of using sex as a way of furthering myself from myself. fear of being touched. fear of being loved. fear of loving.

I like to cuddle.

xLDes>en GoogleC

I have a terrible habit of snooping on people because its pretty obvious that people can not be trusted. I am almost always honest. I try to leave everything open on the table-I just can not deal with the juggling of lies and secrets. It is not because I actually value it.