As many of you probably know I am suffering from what is often described as homesickness. It is a fairly common condition and I know I am not alone. Unfortunately, I am also experiencing a condition known as Cabin Fever. This, on top of my fairly obvious struggle with my identity vs role confusion has led me to make fairly impulsive decisions. Most of which have rendered me broke, heartbroken, fat, and occasionally incredibly fucking happy. These impromptu rash choices are what I like to call my Life Experience.
I will rationalize every bit of irrationality I have. I will play every card I have and if worse comes to worse I throw in the-I am young and reckless! You only live once kind of greeting card recycled bullshit. All the while in the back of my head I'm like, why the fuck is every choice I have ever made feel like quicksand and the more I move the deeper I sink in.
What I am trying to say is that I want to move to Oregon. And I want to back pack through Austrailia. And I want to work on organic farms. I want to hike my dress up and con some rich business man to take me to Paris where I can play that cat mouse game but never really put out. I want to ride grey hound buses and hitch hike. I want to work some boring mind numbing 9-5 and get tipsy of happy hour drinks. Come home to my husband and fight about bills and then do it missionary. With the lights off.
Then. Then, I can write about how I continuously fuck up my life by purposely making bad choice after bad choice after bad choice after bad fucking choice and I still don't know who I am yet.
Is anyone ready for this.
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