I don't know where I am going. Some days I don't even know who I am. I feel emotionally withdrawn, dissociating myself from myself. I bargain with my morals and beliefs. I don't fit in. I don't fucking fit in anywhere. I feel jaded and awkward and stiff. Sometimes, I just feel blank. Like an email full of short sentences.......
Its hard for me to digest this realization: my current empty isolation is somehow better than therapy. I would rather run away. I would rather quit my job, sell everything I own, burn all my bridges and start a new identity than get therapy. I keep thinking that some things are just meant to be buried. You get over it. I just need to learn how to get over it. Become a different person. Remember less.
I think the body remembers what the mind cannot. Strained eye muscles blur our vision-blocking out the harshness of reality.It dulls the visuals of life.I live my life with blinde eyes. I flinch when someone surprises me with a high five-a reflex from an abusive childhood. How do I unlearn this?
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